Speech by Gufron Sumariyono Bismillahhirrohmaanhirrohim. Assalamu’allaikumWarahmatullah Wabarakatuh.
All the praise and thanks be to Allah, the Lord of ‘Alamin (Mankind, Jinns and all the exists) and peace be upon the Master of the Messengers, Nabi Mohammad SAW the last of the prophets and upon his brothers and whoever follows him with benevolence until the Day of Resurrections. .
My name is Gufron Sumariyono, I am high school classmate of Ibu dokter Ugi, 1960-1963 in my home town Pati, Central Java.
On behalf of
Mr. H.W.I.Mudjiantoro, Dr.Hj.Ugi Suginem Mudjiantoro, Miss Dina Ardina Rahmadewi and all family
Dr Sumant Masoji, Mrs. Helga Masoji and Mr Sudip Masoji and family
we warmly welcome you all.
I have been asked to speak a few words for this joyful occasion of the wedding of Sudip and Dina. Indeed, my very best wishes and prayers are for them, that they have chosen each other wisely
The goal of married life in Islam is much greater than just two muslim people trying to live successfully together.
As Muslims, we are requested by Allah to do our utmost to create happy, pious, content and secure households, following the sunnah of our Prophet
When the Prophet’s wife Aishah was asked about the way the Prophet lived at home, she replied simply: ‘His way of life is the Qur’an.’ He was exactly the same beloved person, noble and compassionate, within the privacy of his home as he was in public outside it!
Dina and Sudip, the first and main aim of your Muslim marriage should be ibadah, your worship of Allah. By this, I don’t mean you should spend hours praying together, but something rather different. Ibadah to me means believing without question that Allah is Lord, and is aware of every thought, intention and action that passes between you, and that everything you have been granted in this life, even your next breath, is a gift – which could be withdrawn at any moment should Allah so wish.
You do not know how long you will have together on this earth, or when you or the one you love will be snatched away.
The second aim is to respond to the basic biological instincts and needs for sexual fulfilment, personal companionship, safety and security, and procreation – to do your utmost to create the most wholesome and happy atmosphere for each other, and for bringing up the new human beings who may, insha’Allah, be brought into this world by you.
Every job, every walk of life needs skills. Most skills do not just come to us naturally – we have to take the trouble to learn them. Exactly the same is true for marriage in general, and for newly-weds.
You will also need tolerance and patience, and to realise that you do not have the right to be loved or respected. These things are not rights – they have to be earned. You need to remember that fathers and mothers (God willing) love their children without reservations, and forgive them all sorts of awful conduct, and plead for them, and make allowances for them. Even if their children are awful, they (God willing) never cease to love them.
Sudip and Dina, your parents love you and make allowances for you simply because they are your parents. They will excuse every failing, stick up for you through thick and thin, and love you even though you might be a completely horrible person.
Nobody has the right to be loved if they are not making themselves lovable. You cannot force someone to love you. You cannot force someone to respect you. Love and respect have to be earned – both from your chosen life-partner, and also from your in-laws (who will not see you in the same light as your own parents).
Sudip, a new husband needs to remember that his wife is not his mother – Dina, may not ever cook like your mother, or do for you the things your mother did, or think like your mother, or make allowances for you like your mother.
Dina, a new wife needs to remember that her husband is not her father – Sudip, may never think like your father, make allowances for you like your father, guard and guide you like your father, do the things your father did, or have any of the same skills that your father had.
And if there is love between you now, remember it is a precious thing, like a very expensive pot-plant; it will not grow if you don’t look after it. If you don’t treat it right, it will soon fizzle out, dry up and rot away. Once that has happened, it is a mighty difficult task to get it going again.
Remember, you are younger people. And nobody is perfect. Don’t be too critical of each other when you start discovering all the ‘faults’. It is pointless expecting a young bride or groom to have all the skills and talents and expertise when they start out that it took their parents years to learn.
I can tell you now what the most frequent complaints are of men and women who are struggling to live together – the most frequent complaint of women about men is that they never listen, and the most frequent complaint of men about women is that they are always trying to change them.
I suppose you will try to change each other – but be warned. If you think your partner has any faults now, which you hope you might be able to put right later on – think again. Any irritants only become worse with age, and even more irritating. If you spend all your time trying to stop your partner being what he or she is, you will get as much pleasure out of it as banging your head against a brick wall. The only thing you can successfully adjust is your own attitude to it.
So, be noble, be kind, be tolerant, compassionate and generous as possible in all your dealings, and perform as nobly as possible in your marriage all the promises regarding sexual fulfilment and companionship. And may Allah bless you and keep your souls safe in His hands, and send his angels to guard you and guide you, and keep away from you all harm of those things that would harm you, and bless your marriage with trust, and joy, and every good thing – we ask it, O Lord, because we know that You love us and want only the best for us. Help us to be aware of Your presence always. Amin.
May Allah guide us and other Muslim brothers to follow the Pleasure of Allah. Praise be to the Lors of the ‘Allamin (Mankinds, Jinns and all that exists) Wassalamu’allaikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatuh. Thank you. (Jakarta, October 2007)
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